Metamorphosis

Sleep was beyond impossible to get the night before my senior recital. I decided to run to the music building the last second to play a few notes and ease my mind, only to find that the doors were locked. I was really wanting to make sure the notes were in my fingers one last time. Whether I would get more or less notes correct the next day didn't really matter. I was simply trying to prevent any performance anxiety that would affect me the next day like it had in past performances. In the midst of my brief frustration, I quickly found myself taking a walk around campus sort of pondering the role that music plays in my life. What I came to realize is that I haven't been able to enjoy music for the last 2.5 years of my life.

For those of you who don't have a photographic memory, 2.5 years ago I was contemplating dropping out of school to pursue poker. After talking with my conductor and really weighing how well (or not well) my family would take it, I decided to stay. Obviously a whole lot more goes into that, but that is the basic rundown of it. Anyways...

Because I have no desire to use my degree, the skill I have on my instrument is all I have to show for whenever I graduate. I have spent so much time on the "degree" aspect, that practicing was what the first item to be put on the back-burner. So now it's all this other stuff that I'm slaving over that I am not going to use? I know how frustrating it is working with a student that doesn't care or isn't motivated. I can't help but feel sorry for my violin professor because I hadn't played up to my potential in the time spent under her. The fact is, despite playing the violin since I was three, I am not even close to as good I should be. All my four years worth of violin playing are to be displayed tomorrow in front of whoever decides to come, lovely. As far as my degree goes, I don't care about it much. Rather, I feel I was cheated by the system because I have spent so much time and energy doing things that have zero relevancy in my life.

Only now did I have time to sift through the confusion in my head since April 15th. I felt that something was taken away from me on the poker world's "Black Friday", and now I was understanding why. I sacrificed school work, friends, and my love for music, to get where I am in the poker world...now all of that is gone and I have nothing to show for it? There were a few moments where I had thought 4 years of my life were wasted because I wouldn't be able to use any of the ability I had worked so hard to gain, music or poker. Obviously that is a bit extreme but that sort of thought would only be natural in my situation.

Regarding actually using my degree, I don't have the mental/emotional control to teach a classroom full of kids. It is nonexistent. I have been so far moved away from "normal", that the thought of waking up at 7 in the morning to make 33k/year starts giving me anxiety. Even the simple act of going to the grocery store gives me anxiety. I felt super productive filling up my gas the other day. That's just how it is now.




I still don't exactly understand how I didn't end up with sweaty cold palms and a shaky bow. Of course I was nervous a little. But, in contrast to how I usually play in front of people, that was the best I had ever played. While this isn't a huge deal to anyone else, it's a pretty massive one to me. It signifies the completing of my inadvertent metamorphosis I started almost 3 years ago from musician to poker player.



I don't exactly remember giving a fist pump, but who knows lol.




So, this leaves us at poker.

What does one do when the day online poker for the U.S shuts down and the day that one wishes to become a full time poker professional are the same? Be water my friend.



After Black Friday, I browsed through numerous blogs getting everyone's point of view on the matter. It was mostly me just seeking the knowledge that other seasoned pros had to offer since they had been through situations similar to this before. I found the above clip on Zimba's blog and felt it spoke to me the loudest above anything else I had seen or read.

Poker in the U.S is far too big of an industry for something to not come through in a year or so. I am confident of that. Many serious players still view poker just as much of game as it is a job. And to this present situation, I see it as a challenge.

Right now, the smaller networks available to the U.S are getting heaps of new players at the tables. Because it is getting more difficult to deposit, and because poker means a lot more to the winning reg than it does to to the fish, it is a high percentage of regs that are coming over. I think being able to progress as a player during a time which the games are supposedly going to be the toughest they have ever been, will be a huge. This overnight change in the poker world is causing many players to find jobs, leave the country, and quit the game all together. I'll be focusing harder on poker than I ever have before. Seeing as I now have triple the amount of time I used to for poker, there is no longer any sort of excuse.

Stating June, I plan on-

Playing 45 hours a week.

Studying 15 hours a week

Coaching 5 hours a week

Yoga every day

Running 5x a week

Music 5 hours a week

1st on the Merge Sng leader board.

Earn a silver star on the Sharkscope leader boards

15k/month profit

That's about 80 hours mapped out of a 168 hour week. 80 hours plus the 45 hours a week I plan on sleeping, leaves me with 43 hours left to do whatever. Being that 43 hours would be considered overtime in the standard work week, I have an absurd amount of time to do things like hang out with my friends and maybe see this thing people call sunlight. So if anyone asks me what my job is now that I'm done with school, I'll just tell them I hang out with my friends for a living and play poker for fun.


If you are thinking about playing poker and haven't heard, the Merge network is halting any new rakeback accounts being created after this month. Rakeback is going to be a massive factor in everyone's winrate so it's important to get it asap. Merge has double the traffic any other network is able to provide to the U.S market. Sign up through me on Blackchippoker.com and talk to me before hand. I'll definitely do what I can to get you rakeback deal that is above the industry standard.


If anyone is going to be at Turningstone for the East Coast Poker Championships, let me know. I'll be there from the 17th-23rd. I don't even know where I'm staying yet and will figure it out when I get there. I'll probably try and make some smaller trips like this throughout the summer since as of right now I plan not to go to Vegas. I feel that getting my head on solid through this transition will require a huge amount of focus. While going to Vegas is super profitable, last year it caused me to lose track of real life stuff and get behind on coaching/staking. With a lot of my friends graduating and the fact that it will probably be my last summer living here, I'd rather spend time with friends. Either way, I'm looking very much forward to this summer.



Thanks for reading,

-Reasons